you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
