So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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