that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
