Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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