That reminds me...we need to get swords
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize