im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
