The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I cut my penus on the lid.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
