so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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