is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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