he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
