Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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