from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
