I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
My bed smells like the plague
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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