woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
