you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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