There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
