paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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