i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I wish you could order shots online.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
