It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
