so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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