Only a mothe r could love this liver
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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