ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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