D3 body, D1 cock
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
