i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
