i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I fill condoms, not promises.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
