I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
