1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
