i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
