Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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