I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
