Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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