You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize