I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
