I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize