Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
