so that wasnt chicken after all
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
