You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
