you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
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