we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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