the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
