you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
