remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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