That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
