I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
My breasts were aching with rage.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize