Christians are straight up FREAKS
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
