This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
