Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
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