Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I think my moral compass just broke
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
