i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I just sucked dick on a ferry
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
