I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
