It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
