I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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