Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
