There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
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