she woke up with a sticky ear
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
