just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
