That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Is it because I queefed?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
