Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
