Don't you send me to vm
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
He has the fingertips of a God
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
