my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
