U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
