wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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