we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
