my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
