i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
