Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
