If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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