He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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