the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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