Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
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