well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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