Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
