i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
