Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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