At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize