I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
