My liver just broke up with me...
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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