True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
