if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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