I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
