It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize