ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
