Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
