i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
