I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Randomize
