Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
