Your face is a jimmy john
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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