He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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