At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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