sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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