So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
