so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
