There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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