god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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